CATERINO TAKES ON LIFE

BARACK HUSSIEN OBAMA

Caterino — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 21:54:58 +0000

When the wife of Barack Obama speaks, she seems to be anxious, unsure, and rehearsed. Actors learn skills that let themselves coordinate body gestures as well as speech. The two are important to actors so they study throughout there careers. Mrs. Obama seems to have the words down, although she seems to just have them down as if she was studying hard to learn the words written by her speech writers but, her body language bothers me. Although she speaks a great game, and her writers are good, I will admit that, she just seems to be in the “I can’t believe we got this far,” mode.

This far, I have seen more speeches given by this woman then I have by the presidential candidate. If she is going to be giving more then I would advise her to keep taking classes and get it down pat. As for Barack Obama, If he wants to keep his status with the average poor man and middle class, he must not stay in the process as usual. He hugs his vice pick as if they are and always have been friends, partners, and childhood sweethearts. One last thing, if you pick someone that is up in age, then why attack the age of your opponent? Obama attacked the age of his opponent since the beginning but now he picks his vice president who is also aged. This tells a lot about the character of the man.

For the pre first lady, to me, she seems to be trying so hard to please but after her first big speech, she just wants to follow up with more of the same so her writers are trying as well. Barrack has an image to follow but as of late, he is slipping off the path. If he really wants this, he better stop and smell the roses before moving forward. One slip and the republicans win once again.

Last but not least, Barack Hussien Obama? Why would Barry embrace this name and why should we vote for him? His wife , what meds is she on? She seems to be unstable and forced to do public speaking for her man but would her instability really help gain him votes in the upcoming election? I would love to hear from any one of you to clear this fuzzy air.
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Fighting Back-Hero’s and Villains

Caterino — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:13:16 +0000

There are many people out there in the world that don’t need acclamation in their lives; they do without honor and praise. I for one remember a guy that was just like this. He ran into a burning building pulling out three children, he saved a four year old girls life when she was hit by a speeding car, he ran down a purse snatcher when no one else would answer the screams of a woman in distress, he ran down a moving car with a two year old inside only to get beat upon by the dad who left the boy in the car alone.

Hero’s come in all shapes and sizes. These people should be awarded but they don’t do it for that, they do it because it is the right things to do. Without thinking they place themselves in danger to save another. A true hero is one that does without waiting for praises.

There was a fire on Mt. Prospect Avenue, in Newark, New Jersey. I pull the car over and notice the fire department didn’t arrive yet. I ran up to the building, and noticed a child standing at the living room window. I waved for the child to step away and threw a porch chair through the window. I pulled the child out and asked if anyone else was inside. He pointed so I jumped through the broken window and pulled two smaller children out of the treacherous flames. These children were left alone and thank god no one was hurt.

The little girl was struck by a speeding car on Jay Street in Newark, where I was managing a gas station. I was twenty. I saw the girl spread eagle on the ground and spiraling down about twenty feet. She was hit hard and for what, she was watching some guy fixing his car on the road. I called 911 and gave her CPR until that showed up. I did however visit her in the hospital long enough to give her a teddy bear.

The woman was screaming in the night. Out of a deep sleep, I tossed on my pants, and headed outside. I saw a woman crying, yelling and on the ground. Her purse was snatched so I started running down the street after the guy yelling, “Stop, I have a gun.” I had no gun and tackled the guy. I retrieved the purse and handed it back to the woman. I simply walked away. The perp, I let him go, he was limping and his face was bloody.

The trouble is, when no one cares enough to help someone, we all fail. We let the criminals rule and they can see no one is going to help so they find it easier to do more of the same. We must fight for what is right. We must fight for ourselves and send a message to all who think they can get away with what ever they feel fit. It is us against them, so lets show them we are not going to stand for it anymore.

Yes I was that guy and still am. I wouldn’t think for a moment when it comes to helping people. I never stuck around for even thanks. I don’t do this for that. I do it because it is the right thing to do. I know I am not the only person that has a story to tell, you, tell us what you did and show us that we are not alone.

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Stand Up then Sit Down

Caterino — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:23:46 +0000

So folks, welcome to the BlaBla’s Comedy Club. Their slogan is, “the comedy club with the twist.” people see this, and think, “wow, they really must have a handle on the comedy here.” Let me tell you something folks, the only twist at Blabla’s is the used piece of lemon they put in your drink. What they wont tell you is it was in some other guys drink the night before. Yeah, they save the stirrers, the olives, yes folks even the half chewed ones.

The watresses are so old here at BlaBla’s they make Phillis Diller look like a playboy centerfold, but they will sleep with you after the show and that must count for something. Yeah, I may be stupid but I never said I was picky. My wife doesn’t mind me sleeping with the old broads here. She says their dried up pubic hair helps keep me polished, like Brillo.

My wife just got rid of cable and ordered the dish. She says it holds more pasta. Hey, after she licks it clean, the reception gets better. I love my wife, truly I do. She complains about the size of her boobies. She says, “When I eat I never gain weight except for my boobs.” She is up to a 48FFF. I console her, put my arms around her and hand her another cake or two. My wife saves me a lot of money. We don’t need to buy a dining room table, we just put a table cloth on those puppies and both feast. We even place the empty cups from her nipples. Once we had a party, about seventeen people showed up. My wife was worried about the dip. “We don’t have a bowl big enough for the dip and salsa.” she says, I told her to use one of her old bra’s. We also save money whenever we buy a car. We had one accident and the police asked us to look into why her air bag never deployed. I said, “Officer, we don’t need airbags on the passenger side, we have boobies.

Before I met my wife, I have been with women who were in great shape. You could bounce a quarter off of their stomach’s. I got board of the quarter game and decided to marry a woman that puts out.

I am not saying my wife loves to go shopping but once she was sick for three says and three department stores called to see if she was ok. Two stores closed up, and the country started to head into a depression. She is better now and the economy seems to be doing much better. Now I am in a depression again.

We have four children. They all take after us. Two, the girls, take after her and the boys take after me. Yeah, come over sometime and you can see two sets of boobs, and a couple of ass holes walking around my house.

Ok, so it is no secret that I am an author. I written eleven books. I even got to meet Stephen King which was great. He asked me how many books I have sold. I told him a million. He said, “Thats not bad, to sell a million books.” I said, No, I work at the book store, my books? I am well into the tens of hundreds. He then spit on my shoes and told me to call the laundromat. I asked him why and he replied, “To show them what a real load looks like.

I confronted Steven King. I told him he stole my ideas for his latest book. He admitted that he did and then said, “Who are they gonna believe, a guy with spit on his shoes selling books for a living or me?” I looked him in the eye and said, “he had better watch out or I will hit him in my face with his fist.” He just walked away.

So, I am getting up in age now. Its all about the personality. Yep, thats what we say when woman are butt ugly. The ones that want me look like Queen Mary, not the Queen but the ship. I keep thinking, “The personality Bob.” One woman that winked at me, was actually being led around a leash by her dog. I’m not saying she was ugly, but, if the Elephant man were alive again, he would die again if he saw this lady. The woman told me she tried to be in horror flicks in the fifties but she made Frankenstein and Wolf man look like Pierce Brasnan. This woman was so scary looking her shadow was afraid of her. If I weren’t married, and had to do it again, I probabally wouldn’t care what she looked like. One leg, no arms, sagging boobs, an inverted butt, wrinkled skin, Marriage? Nope suicide. This is one of the reasons I got out of the Stand Up Comedy gigs. I still write jokes for many comics but find myself a better writer then a stand up. Oh well, tell me what you think, and take my wife, for instance.
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Your Hair, Your Hats, Your Choice

Caterino — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 03:49:51 +0000

Baldness is said to be hereditary, and for the most part, this is true. You can see the patterns developing by the time you are in your later teens.

My theory about baldness besides the hereditary baldness is as follows, hats. If you notice, when men wears jeans, the material pulls out the hair on the legs and you can certainly see a difference, no hair, after only one month of wearing these pants. Now, when the same men change to cotton, or polyester pants, the hair grows back. The hat acts in the same way for men.

A hat is made out of denim or cotton. The hat worn often tends to have the same results as jeans do on the legs. the simple fact is, when a man wears a hat often, he is sure to develop a bald spot on the back of his head. I said this over thirty years ago and now I am telling you.

I moved to South Carolina six years ago, and started to go against my own better judgement, and started to wear hats. in only six years, I have developed that bald spot. It is about five inches to seven around. I stopped wearing hats about one month ago and the spot is filling in once again.

ok, you have a choice, to look cool in your hat, or keeping your hair, the choice is yours.
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The South Will Never Rise Again

Caterino — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:16:16 +0000

With the understanding that I write humor, I won’t write jokes about other races but my own. I am Italian, calling me a Ginny is like calling an African American a nigger. I have been called a ginny by a southern guy and he did it over and over again. You know the old joke, when someone sneezes a slur or what they think is a joke? Racism to me is so old fashioned. I don’t get a kick out of seing old movies with Al Jolson in them. I just don’t nor ever will get that whole Minstrel thing. The Blacks showed us back in the day, that they had talent. Ok, so a bunch of whites got together and painted their faces black and also did a song and dance. Still, not getting it.

Imus, a radio personality had his butt chewed out for saying a racist remark, but still others will not cease and desist. I was, and I mean was, listening to a show here in the South called, “The Rise Guys. Ok, so every time they mention an area that is prominently black they play a sound byte, a white guy using an Amos and Andy voice, “Well hello dare.” Is this an inside racist joke that only they are supposed to get? I don’t think it is funny. I am sorry folks, I never found “All in the Family” funny “the Jeffersons,” funny when they do all that ethnic humor in the name of humanity, to show us how silly it all is. If we keep reminding us that we are not the same, then we will never be.

I lived in the South now for several years and find that they still think they have a chance of winning the Civil war. I will never get that. They hate northerners and always will. They hate us with a passion and refer to us as Yankees. Their is only one thing they hate more, and that is, a northerner that comes down south and stays, they are Damn Yankees.

The southerner is still living the civil war. I am of Italian decent. I was born and raised in New Jersey. My mother and Father was born and raised in New Jersey, but in the South, I am pidgeon holed. We all are from somewhere else in this country. If we aren’t then we are Native Americans. So, this is what I was told by quite a few southerners in South Carolina, mostly the older ones. Mexicans, Italians, and Puerto Ricans, are all Mexicans. I was flabbergasted by that comment. I reminded them that we are all human beings but they mostly laughed at me as if they were human and the rest of us were not. I asked a few of them where they were from, and what their nationality was and they all replied, “I am Southern.” One man told me a joke even after I told him I would rather not. I am quoting this and it is very offensive to me.

What was the last thing McNair said before the Space Shuttle blew up?

“What dis here button do?”

No, I didn’t laugh to be polite, I told the man it was not funny.

I consider myself to be an American. The Southerner is a Southerner, not an American by their own admission. They want no part of the US.

So I am tieing the two together. Racist humor is funny down South, to them, not to me.

The children are showing the way and if it doesn’t kill their moms, and dad, and they are dead already, they are certainly rolling over in their graves. The interracial marriage, and dating, is very much alive and well in the south. Hooray for the youth. Good for you.

When I was growing up, we had many racist cartoons and television shows on the airwaves. Their is a reason we don’t see Jose Jimminiz, The Little Rascals, Dick Tracy and many others on television. The reason is that we grew up as a nation. Yes their are some that still don’t get it but what can we do but feel sorry for these few. A person, is a person, is a person. We all struggle the strife of life in the world. All I can say to the people that just refuse to get it is, get with the program, please.

The Chosen Few

Caterino — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 02:06:57 +0000

I have been thinking about this more and more. We, the little people, are told what, when, where, how, and who to do. The only information we get is the trash, the info we are intended to hear so we can continue to live as if what they tell us is reality.

Think about this, all the leaders of all the countries in the world are in sort of a club, a club for the most elite. We, the people are not allowed to be near this club. When they address the public, we are told things that the whole club decided on. Lets call this club, “The World Club.” The members in this special elite club never need to pay dues, thats the joke, we pay for them. They travel on us, they live on us, and they become elite because of us.

We are treated as sheep and trust me, we are sheep to them. We, to them are the bottom feeders, the scum of the Earth, the anti elite. The way they see us, we are the enemy.

It goes in a pecking order so listen up. The highest elitists are the governments of all nations, not agencies, but the presidents, kings, and queens, and whatever other titles they might give themselves. These people are in a club all by themselves and no one can touch them. These chiefs hand all the crap they don’t wish to deal with which is most of it and as you may or may not know, crap trickles down hill.

Next you have the people working for them. These people are handed the crap the chiefs don’t need to deal with. Now these are known as wanna be’s. These wanna be’s are the people you will find in up coming elections. They want to be in the elite club but have to win the honor. Frustrated, these wanabe’s let the crap flow down to the next level. They can place pressures on the people below them for one reason only, because they can.

Now you have the underclassmen. These people are state officials, people that work in jobs such as law enforcement, etc. These are anyone that can make things more difficult for us bottom feeders. They are very frustrating because they are stuck in jobs they never intended to be in in the first place. These people make things very hard for us. The cops, the judges, and anyone that can assign licenses for us. They have very little power but know they have more then we do. The crap is still flowing down the hill but these people need to at least pick up a tenth of it to keep their bosses happy but usually let a fifth slide past them.

Last but least is us. We the people, are at the bottom of the hill. This is where the crap stops and we have to deal with it all. The World is not a team effort. like anything else, teams are broken up into clicks. Who is better then who. If this world does not start tearing down the groups, the elite on down, then we will always have what we have right now.

Soaring gasoline prices are a joke to the Elite. We struggle to make ends meet, to feed out children, to survive. The world has over seventy five million starving people living within. We have poor, sick and dying, homeless, street kids and for one reason, because anyone who is not a bottom feeder just doesn’t care. They all worry for themselves, well except for the elite, they never need to worry.

When the Elite make an effort to do something great, it is only for the press, to show us they are on our side. They are not on our side, they need to present themselves once in a while, the rest of the time they do what they please and what pleases them. Clinton was getting oval; in the oral office when crises was rearing its ugly head all over the world. Bush is joking while many sleep on the streets. No one in our class looks hard enough to notice. Half of the people living in these United States are losing their homes and all the elite club can do is ignore and have a party. We have two candidates fighting to get into this club but not a one is concerned, really, now are they. These candidates are pledges for the elitist club.

If the President can spend billions on war, billions for aid to countries because they are friends with other elitists, they why can the bottom feeders get even a tenth of that money. They can give every man, woman, and child living in the world, a million dollars each, and still have billions, no, trillions left over, but they wont. We are bottom feeders to them, and that would just be a waste of the clubs money.

How to fix this? There is no fixing this. You can save your hard earned money in a bank but once they see this they lower your interest. It is all controlled. It is all controlled, we are controlled. I for one have been writing books for many years. Three were banned before they even got published. If and when you ever see this blog, remember, it wont be here for long. If you can, post this where you can, and while you can. The elite has people watching all.

Some might call this paranoid, but I call it truth. The only reason I keep going is because I keep on the move. I have moved so many times in my lifetime, and have even changed my name.

Ok, so others might say, if you live right and always do the right things you will be ok. The right thing are as follows.

Pay taxes or you will be placed behind bars.

Don’t go through red lights or you will need to pay a fine.

Eat what they tell you to eat.

If they wanted to they can single any one of us out and accuse of of anything they want to. We are not, nor ever have been in control of anything. You can have lived prim and proper all your life and they can show up at your door and take your kids for no reason other then the one they made up.

Follow all the rules or you will be punished. We are indeed sheep being laughed by all above us. It is anyones word against the bottom feeders, and who is going to stand up for us, no one.

If you are anyone slightly above the category of bottom feeder then you will have your tickets fixed, your taxes written off. It has all gotten out of hand. We need to take the world, our world back. We are the government but do our votes really count? No, they don’t think we know what matters for us.

Thanks for the read and stay well.
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HOME GROWN

Caterino — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 04:29:31 +0000

When we are traveling across this vast land of ours, we sometimes stop to smell the roses now don’t we? Do we not pick an apple from the tree as we pass it by? My father used to make salads out of greens we find growing all over the land. Just the other day, I saw some wild blue berries growing off the side of a road, so I picked some and ate them. All of the produce we eat is grown all over the world so then why do we have to pick on a certain plant, a weed in fact that grows wild just like blueberries. Yes you guessed it, pot, weed, marijuana, grass, smoke, doobies, blunts, whackie tobakee. personally don’t see what all the fuss is all about. Although I don’t personally smoke it, Why is a small percentage trying to tell a larger percentage not to?

When we look at the facts, we can become very rich as a country if we produced the stuff legally. How, you might say? Well, I am glad you asked. When one smokes the weed, they tend to get peacefully, and very hungry. If we eat, we are stirring up economic growth. When we stir up economic growth, we become stable, when we become more stable, we prosper, so then can anyone tell me why we don’t legalize pot? Oh, some of you might still think it will lead to bigger things like LSD and Heroin. Well all I have to say is hogwash. Lets compare shall we? Ok, you smoke pot out of a pipe or roll it in paper and smoke it, by golly, some even cook with it for more intense effect. Heroin, well you stick a dirty needle in a vein. If one is going to make that sort of comparison, then so be it but I really don’t like to mix oranges with apples unless I am going to make sangria. What are your thoughts on the subject of the ever so popular pot?

Now for those of you who are reading this stoned, I will make it simpler for you. Go to the fridge and eat all the left overs now and help a farmer today.

Bernie Mac 1957-2008-9-10———

Caterino — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 02:10:55 +0000

Bernie Mac died today due to complications of pneumonia. I loved that man. I watched and enjoyed his show and films very much because he was an original.

Fifty years old, that is way too young to die. If any of you reading this have anything you want to add please do. I am in shock here. I have had the pleasure of meeting the man a few years back. He was genuinely an awesome person and he will be missed.

Having said this, I need to know who would start such a rumor? Bernie is alive although not well, but will recover from this minor set back. The start of this post was a response to all the news posted on the web which goes to show you, never believe everything you read. If indeed Bernies publicist is playing a game here then I will truly miss the King of Comedy. I for one trusted the first stories posted all over the web. I fell into the trap as did many others. Now is he alive and well or dead? You know what, I trust he is alive. Long live the king.

Walter, Willy, or will he?

Caterino — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:55:29 +0000

The top newscaster Walter Concrete catches the news story of the decade when he is once again in the right place at the right time. Willy Duwitt, a skin flint from flint Michigan, best known for trimming the budgets of most of his huge clients as well as their beards, known as the barber of Dave Seville is announcing his run in 2008. Let’s go live now as we catch the interview of the century.

Willy Duwitt: I am at this crucial point in time, ready to throw my hat in the ring for the presidency of these United States, but don’t vote for the hat, no, no, no vote for the whole enchilada, me.

Walter: Mr. Duwitt, what will make you different then others that have served? What will you do to make this country great again?

Willy: listen you commie bastard, this country has never left its slot of greatness. You ask me what I will do and I will tell you damn it and that’s work, jobs and stopping the BS from spreading. The freaking five spot stops here, you know with inflation and all.

Walter: Jobs, work, it sounds like a plan but how can you create jobs and what about crime and drugs?

Willy: Trenches, you take a million and a half Americans and put them to work building trenches. These trenches must be three hundred feet deep and fifty feet wide. We now form a grid with these trenches. The trenches will follow a path across all the lines like a real map would have. Each state will have a huge door and by golly it would have to be to fill the end of each trench. You fill these trenches with Walter, oops I mean water and when we have a shortage somewhere we send the water flowing their way. The doors strategically opened will make sure the water will flow right to its destination. Why we can make our deserts green again.

Walter: The deserts were never green.

Willy: Haven’t you ever been to Vegas? Now, we repave every road and America has plenty of them. This might take about a half of million workers. Now, all these roads need cars to drive on them so our auto makers will need to hire more workers too. You mentioned crime also. That one is easy, you take every prisoner, street thug, and mob guy, ship them off to whatever god forsaken country we are fighting at the moment. We not only keep our streets safe but the other countries are so busy trying to rid their own towns of those maggots they have no time to retaliate as for the drugs, make them legal, every damn one of them.

Walter: That would make them affordable to anyone that wants them and create anarchy, chaos, bedlam, disarray then euphoria, wouldn’t it?

Willy: Of course, then we hike up the prices to what the street value was and reduce the deficit. Now, we also can do away with all the taxes too.

Walter: A tax free society, this sounds too good to be true.

Willy: Not really, all we have to do is to make this the richest country in the world is charge people for other things, like divorce. Divorce is up in this Country and if a man really wants to get away from his wife that badly then we charge him a hundred grand, fifty for her and fifty for us.

Walter: Well there you have it folks, you be the judge and jury and vote for the candidate of your choice. Next week for equal time, we shall have candidate, Walter Brennen Jr. who is running his “No brag, just fact,” campaign with his running mate Pippino. Now back to your life which is already in progress.

Technorati ~A new Web Order

Caterino — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:22:39 +0000

Technorati Profile

Technotati is a great site to blog by. I never knew my blog here would end up there or I would have been over there more often. Yes, this is my blog home but at technorati.com they show the world what I have been up to. Yes, Wordpress shows the world also, but what one person misses another gains. What Techorati does is add your blogs to its page making it all the more world wide.